Mergers, acquisitions, takeovers, reverse acquisitions etc… Do not mind the long list of terms, they are all labels for one real term – an arranged marriage.

Earlier on this year my English friend told me that our common friend, an Indian, is living in an arranged marriage. “Yeah, I replied, he looks pretty happy to me. And, by the way, what is wrong about arranged marriages in the first place?”

Instantly I was condemned to be stoned to death. Only civilised, so called good manners prevented my friends from using real stones, yet the names they called me did the job pretty well too, I must admit.

It makes me ask why people who condemn an arranged marriage where only one or both people are unhappy do not seem to have an issue (from the very same principle) with mergers and acquisitions where thousands of people suffer. It is the same hypocrisy with which we despise alcoholism and at the same time reward workoholism – both dangerous addictions.

Arranged marriages are arranged by “elders” on behalf of two people. The elders make their decisions based on what makes sense to them – financials, power, status, assets etc. Intense negotiations take place resulting in an arranged marriage. The two people in question come second, they are not consulted nor are they heard.

Then the wedding comes. It is a glorious day for all involved. Even, the now bride and groom may feel some expectations. Promising announcements are made and the colour of the future is bright. From then on real life together starts. Some learn to appreciate each other over time, some even fall in love. Others live miserable lives.

What makes the difference between happiness and misery? Is the outcome similar to a lottery? Not that I know anything about arranged marriages (I am using them only as a parallel to my real story) but I believe that the success of any arranged marriage is not down to the couple, it is down to the elders who created and negotiated the deal. If they are wise and consider also personalities and deep values of the two people, help them to prepare for living together and learn to appreciate the differences in both, cherish the uniqueness in each, the likelihood of success is much higher than if they are driven only by numbers and other cold calculations.

THIS IS MY POINT! (Coming here took me a while, I know, I am sorry)

Look at the mergers and acquisitions, remember the announcement days, the glory, the promises and then the months and years after.

Another friend of mine, a Frenchman, told me last week that he suspects the recent biggest global merger in transportation history will soon also become a text book example of a “royal **** up”. Pretty blunt for the French, known for their subtle language of diplomacy.

Is he right? I cannot say but I know the couple well. She was pretty, small and very famous in every corner of the world. He is an ugly, big, traditional and extremely dull moron. Yet he is as rich as you can imagine, even richer. The problem is that nobody really knew him outside of his region. So he married her, to be able to wear clothes in her colours and become famous and loved around the world as she used to be. She does not matter any more, it is him now.

There in no point going further in this story, it could get ridiculous. Just watch out to see whether the French man was right.

If you think that anything I wrote is insane, believe me that I am not. I have got one very honest advice for all those unhappy employees:

GO! LEAVE! BE HAPPY AGAIN.

You cannot save her, nobody wants it anyway. You do not seem able to adjust to his style.

This world is still big for all of us. Gather the courage needed for the good bye, undergo the momentary pain and start somewhere else afresh. Keep the fond memories of the happy past yet acknowledge that past is not an option. It is your duty to yourself and those around you.

And what can we wish to ourselves? More wise elders. Nobody will stop marriages, oh sorry, new mergers I meant. They will go on out there and merge and merge more. It is the wisdom, the integrity and genuine intentions of the elders that can make the change for the better. Let’s make this clear to them through the different ways and means we all have at our disposal. After all, who wants to live an unhappy life?

Jan Fiala